Spontaneity

Spontaneity is an increasingly rare treasure!

If most of us try to remember the last time that we were spontaneous, in any kind of spontaneity, we might have some difficulty remembering when it was.

For example, have you ever, upon arriving at a beach, felt like climbing up a dune and roll down its slopes, but decided not to do it because there were people who seeing you, might think that you are crazy ... Why judge you as crazy if they probably feel like doing the same? 

Or being so happy that you just want to start dancing? Of course everyone already felt like that! But there are very few who have done it or were fortunate enough to witness someone doing it.

There are very few who wouldn’t care less about the corsets of society.

Another type of spontaneity, and for me maybe the most important one, that has been almost eliminated from our daily life, is the one that would allow you to get near a person that you like, and spontaneously say, purely and simply - "I really like you", or "You are a fantastic person" or, in a more contained version "I really admire you".

Hardly anyone has the guts to do it! It's not that they do not want to do it, they simply think they shouldn't! And as they think that way, they feel frustrated seeing others doing it, those who still have the courage to be spontaneous despite everything.

Because the general population is envious of the others’ spontaneity, they criticise and ridicule the envied person.

And so, something that we all would like to achieve, to be genuinely spontaneous, is nullified by our own insecurity and pettiness.

Has it ever happened to you, to look at someone you barely know, and immediately feel an incredible identification that makes you want to get to near that person and tell them that you’d liked to know them better, to be their best friend forever, or to marry them for the rest of your life?

Wait, be careful, go gently, maybe it's wiser not to say anything! Or you might risk experiencing a "Crash & Burn" situation.

We can not go beyond certain conduct procedures. Unfortunately, most of the times the spontaneity of a pure feeling will only be able to survive if a number of pre-established norms (which of spontaneously have nothing) be respected.

For example: Imagine that a man sees a woman he has never seen before, and for whom he feels an immediate connection! Imagine that what he feels is the purest of feelings, the ones that leads us to simply wanting to know more about that person. Now imagine him addressing her and telling her all this ... How she would run away immediately...!

No! Even if we feel this kind of pure and spontaneous feeling, if we want the relationship with that person to have any kind of future or continuity, in most cases it is necessary to "shut up" the purity and spontaneity of what we feel and start a series of stereotypically imposed norms, a series of superficial processes of conduct that lead to a gradual confidence, so as to permit us one day to be able to say such a thing without being seen as perfect madmen.

Is it the lack of confidence, or the distrust in which we live, and of which we complain, that leads us to not believe in someone who comes to us with a conversation of that kind? It may be true, sincere, and even disinterested, but we do not imagine ourselves believing in someone who approaches us that way.

The only exceptions that occur to me would be: either a child, or someone with a visible mental disability. If one of them spontaneously proposed us to be our friend, then we would believe!! Because? Because in these cases we can still believe in naivety, simplicity and sincerity.

Why not believe in an adult, in possession of all his abilities, if he was also once a child?

Is it that the image that we have of our growth and evolution is so negative that we give no credit to the sincerity and good intentions that other adult beings may have? I think not!! But then why this disbelief we have on the sincerity of the others’ feelings?

I would love to be part of another reality where, in case we felt something special for someone else, we could just approach that person and say: "You are a special person and I want to meet you"; Or, as in the book "The Little Prince" by Saint Exupéry, when the fox says to the Little Prince: "Captivate me" and allow me to captivate you.

But the reality is very different! If anyone has the courage to put himself in the skin of Saint Exupery’s fox and approach someone else saying “captivate me”, these four possibilities will most likely occur:

In the case of a man saying something like that to a woman, the approach would probably be misinterpreted as a clumsy approach of a "Don Juan" wannabe doing his move.

If a man approaches another man this way, this sincere approach would probably be misinterpreted and confused with a pick-up line in a gay approach.

If it was a woman saying this to a man, he would most likely run away fast, thinking that only a needy "limpet" would approach a man that way.

If it was a woman saying the same to another woman, the latter would probably think "what is this chick up to!! What does she want?".

And this is how we are, circling around so distrustful in this insecure’s society.

Well, after all this, if you meet someone you spontaneously care about, be careful with what you say, think twice before unleashing your spontaneity free and trampling on such "norms" of conduct and social behaviour.

If this person is too conditioned by society, it is preferable to comply with the rules of unspontaneous prudence, to one day perhaps, be able to tell her that she is special without her thinking that you are crazy.

This is such a pity... I think most people do not know what they are losing because of their lack of spontaneity, and because we do not say more spontaneously what we feel.

However, if that person is one of the few special people who understands the purity of spontaneity, yes, you must say it! Purely and simply, do not fail to say it!

The probability of two people meeting, one with the courage to act spontaneously, and the other to believe in the spontaneity of the first, is less than winning the lottery. But when it happens it's fantastic!